About Me

Tuesday, March 9, 2010

Baronologist Needed, The newest Cult to hit Twitterville Baronoscopy!

“Writing for a penny a word is ridiculous. If a man really wants to make a million dollars, the best way would be to start his own religion “– L. Ron Hubbard

It is true I have decided to follow the advice of the great science fiction writer L. Ron Hubbard, and start my own religion, but I have also decided to pull from other well know cults too. Don’t want to leave any stone unturned.

From the FLDS, we get our polygamy
Man is god on Earth and he must populate the earth by having mortal children and bringing his spirit children to Earth, and what better way to have more babies than with multiply wives. Yes in this cult Baron the Prophet of God a lot like Warren Jeffs, and receives message directly from God. Follows get closer to god/goddess states by populating the earth so women should not wait until 18 to start having babies that is just wasting time. And yes interspecies relationship are strongly encouraged see that Baron and Rosie @MedusaJ are already making a killing selling there Pittens to NAMBLA (The North American man/Boy Love Association) Being the Prophet Baron gets to assign the women out to the men, and he can take them into his own harem or rearrange the families so as the men never get bored.

My Commandments can from The Holy Church of Bacon
The Five Baronic Laws
OR Baronmandments
Thou shalt not consider Baron on the same level as any other, as Baron is above all.
Thou shalt not consume imitation Baron.
Thou shalt not stop pursuing Baronlightenment until it is reached.
Thou shalt not forget to consummate your relationship with Baron for ten days, for those who need her The High Baronessa a.k.a @MedusaJ is available for completion of this law.
Thou shalt spread the word of Baron to all.
The archnemisis of a Baronologist is Broccoli
The Sins of the Vegetable
1. And lo, the Baronites descended into the Valley of Green and met with the Broccolians where they saw the decadence and sin their neighbors had engaged in.
2. The fields overflowed with exposed leafy flesh and no Baron was grown.
3. Cheese was intermingled with devil broccoli in pagan ceremonies to their nefarious gods.
4. The sight of such depravity caused Saint Wendy of Baronator to gouge her eyes out with much wailing and beating of her breasts.
5. The cries fell upon the ears of the Hog Mother and she wept.
6. The Baronites set a great fire to purify the land and the Hog Mother was pleased.
7. Once the vile Broccolians where stricken from the land the devout began the season of Bacadan and all enjoyed days of fasting and nights of Baron.

Last but not Least all Baronologist need to know our creation story
Billions of years ago, a galactic overlord named Broccoli needed to control overpopulation. So he gathered up all his enemies and froze them. Then they were packed into spaceships that look exactly like gold DC-8s. The frozen aliens were then put in volcanoes in Hawaii and other places on Earth, where they were hit with nuclear bombs. Then, the spaceships vacuumed up all the dead alien souls and took them to a movie theater, forcing them to watch violent and confusing movies until they forgot who they were. These souls wandered off, clumped together, and landed in anipals of Twitterville. And these are Baronologists.
Yes Tom Cruise is my favorite Alien so I pulled this fro Scientology.

Members welcome and any good suggestion will not be rejected